Thankful?
by Zchocolatebunniesrulezworld
Summary: Mello's sixth Thanksgiving at Wammy's is nothing special, not really. Not for genius orphans, in any case--we might think otherwise.


**A/N: Just a quickie oneshot for Turkey Day. I randomly pictured all the Wammy kids sitting 'round a table jabbering in a hodgepodge of languages. I guess one could connect that to Thanksgiving, ne? So, without further ado:**

_Thankful?_

Wammy's never seemed _warm_, Mello reflected, not like it did on Thanksgiving evening. Though he loved his home, Mello always associated the orphanage with the chill of calculating eyes studying his every movement. After all, that was what he was meant for; his reason for living at Wammy's--living at all, really. He was used to being closely observed; he identified with the ant (under the magnifying glass of a chubby child symbolizing Roger and all of Mello's teachers).

Sitting clustered around one large table, however, seemed too eerily like a family for Mello's comfort. He wasn't used to being surrounded by warm cheer and spirit. It seemed too much like a stifling blanket--he knew that, if tempted enough, his metaphorical eyes would slide closed and he'd fall "asleep", effectively allowing himself to fall off-guard. This could never happen, not when L could be watching them all at any minute.

It was way too easy to let himself go here. Even though being part of such a close community unnerved him slightly, Mello liked seeing Matt on his left and Linda on his right.

He liked the thunderous expression on Roger's face as the old man caught Matt sneaking his videogames under the table when they were supposed to be praying.

He liked Matt poking him in the side to gesture at the enormous turkey--it seemed to span over half of the _table_.

He liked grinning and striking a pose for Linda's quick sketch, watching his own features spread across her blank sheet of scrap paper.

He even liked _(jeering at) _the sight of the albino, whose curly five-year-old head barely poked over above the frilly white tablecloth (Mello just couldn't stand that kid, he had no idea why, having never once spoken to him in his own almost-seven years at Wammy's).

He felt secure and couldn't help allowing poisonous happiness to seep underneath his skin.

Enough. This happened on every Thanksgiving; Mello started to let distracting _feelings _in. Feelings were different from emotions--Mello knew all-too-well that little tidbit of information. His emotions ruled him and drove him to act without thinking first. Feelings, though . . . happiness felt too good to be true, so Mello knew it obviously _couldn't be_. He felt naked when he let down those walls between his feelings and the rest of him. It was disconcerting, so Mello refused to do it.

Again, though, this particular holiday was the most difficult. Roger would always do . . . well, this: make them feel like a family.

"Okay, children," the old man started, standing up. "This evening symbolizing what it does, I believe we should all share what we are thankful for. Let's go around in a circle and each say one or two things, all right?"

A groan resounded around the table.

"Really, Roger?" Mello heard an older boy moan. "We're too old for this; we could be studying or something instead." He rolled his eyes, clearly expressing everyone else's thoughts: _This is a waste of time._

"Well then," Roger "pondered"--they could all hear the condescending tone in his voice--"why don't we all speak in different languages? You should all be fluent in at least five by now, and adequate in six more. This would be a nice exercise for you. Why don't you start, Viol?" He addressed the boy who had spoken out.

Knowing better than to refuse any challenge, especially with the cameras that observed every minute of their lives, the children began enthusiastically.

Mello listened only with a vague interest. He didn't really care about these other orphans. Right then, a girl of his age was expressing in Swahili her gratitude at the rapist who'd violated and murdered her parents. Apparently her mother and father hadn't been the kindest couple to grace the earth.

Next came another girl who was in the highest age group at Wammy's. In French, she described the rigorous testing to get into Wammy's, and how grateful she was that she'd survived it. Mello remembered those "examinations" . . . suffice to say they weren't on paper and the risks were substantially larger than a failing mark at school.

A boy shivered, bit his tongue, and gestured frantically for his neighbor to begin. That teenager used sign language to depict his experience when captured by invading soldiers in his native country. He was apparently thankful to have survived with his arms, sight, and hearing, even if his tongue and legs had been cut off.

Two siblings were grateful that their parents had abandoned them. A girl sobbed in relief about placing in sixth for rankings at Wammy's (the bottom five every year just--disappeared). Matt was just glad he had his DS.

And then it was Mello's turn. "I'm thankful . . . " he began in Russian, then paused. What _was_ he thankful for? L was certainly watching them at the moment; what was he or she looking for in a successor?

Oh. Obviously.

" . . . I'm not thankful for anything. Life doesn't work that way; what we have is what we have. There's no use wondering how we _feel_ about it. Some people are lucky, some aren't. Period. Even becoming L, really, isn't something to be thankful for. L _deserves_ their title, and being thankful for something implies that you didn't expect it to happen.

"I expect to be L. When I do get the title, I won't be _thankful_ for it. I already know I deserve it, so I won't be surprised."

He wasn't the only arrogant child at Wammy's, so his speech didn't get him a second glance. Linda continued in German, but Mello didn't listen, having just noticed something.

When had Roger started to cry?

--

**I figure the Wammy kids have all gone through the worst. Maybe 'tisn't really that dramatique, but meh.  
Happy Thanksgiving, all you loverly people. Guess what I'm thankful for . . . ;)  
****(please take note that ";)" means "REVIEEEEW and make a bunny happy")**


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